Posts Tagged ‘ pony ’

Fuzzy Pony Filler: Beer Pony

I’m on the road today, so here’s some fuzzy pony filler for you, courtesy of a friend and former co-worker who encourages my pony obsession shamelessly:

fuzzy-beer-pony

Does she know me, or what? Not just a fuzzy pony, but a fuzzy pony surrounded by attractive women — and in case you didn’t recognize the logo on their shirts, they’re from a bar in Chicago called Fatpour, which makes this a fuzzy beer pony.

Some cursory Googling tells me that the pony is not, alas, a regular staple of the bar, but was only there for a special event. Still and all, beer pony. If life gets much better than that, I don’t want to know about it.

Fuzzy Pony Filler Day

It’s that time again…fuzzy pony filler day time!

I have deadlines. But here are adorable things:

fuzzy-brown-pony

fuzzy-snow-ponies

fuzzy-painted-pony

Awwwwwwwwwwww.

Site Announcement: Holiday Schedule

Good readers, I’m off for the holidays.  I’ll be traveling the next few days, spending time with the family, etc.

Misanthropology101 will return on Wed. Dec. 28.  Until then, please enjoy our latest holiday-themed post from yesterday, or this picture of a fuzzy ponies on parade:

So fuzzy! So festive!

The Vetting Process: How Ideas Become Written Works

A pretty large chunk of the advice writers get from other writers (and from even less qualified critics) is mechanical:  how to space paragraphs effectively, how to use a semicolon; the use and uncertain fate of the Oxford comma.  Rather less focuses on the awkward journey from vague idea to finished work.  I suspect that’s because it is a bloody, violent journey that culls the weak and promotes the strong, and when you start writing about that sort of thing on your blog you get a lot of odd inbound links from white supremacist groups.

I looked for an associated image and they were all terrifying. Here's a fuzzy pony instead.

But the fact of the matter is that good writing leaves a lot of abandoned bad writing in its wake, from the first napkin-jotting to the final revision.  Everyone has some sort of triage or vetting process in place (or ought to); here is mine.

Step 1:  The Idea

Contrary to popular belief, ideas do just pop into your head out of nowhere.  The best way to have a head that does this is to nurture a busy, observant brain that knows lots of things, so get on down to the library and do some learning.  The broader your net of general knowledge is the more likely you are to say “well that incredibly obscure thing in history would make a great novel!” or the like.

Step 2:  The Scribble

If you have any sense in that idea-netting head of yours you’ll write all these odd inspirations down as they occur, even if you have absolutely no idea how to use them yet.  Write it on your arm if you have to, and feel free to use shorthand, as long as you’re confident in your ability to extrapolate meaningful text from a blurry “snrrk poo” hours later.

Step 3:  The Notebook

Here at last we are into the realm of written words (if you’re lucky enough to only get good ideas when you have some paper and some free time on hand, of course, you can skip Step 2).  The Notebook is where ideas get tried out.  It doesn’t have to be an actual physical notebook, of course, just somewhere you can draft and draft again to your heart’s content.  Take those scribbled ideas and write out longer scribbles.  Explore the ideas.  Write question-and-answers with yourself, or just start writing from Chapter 1 and see what it looks like.  The point is to give each idea a few pages of experimenting.  Some might take up whole notebooks — there’s no rules here.

Step 4:  The Draft

At some point you’re going to like an idea so much you turn it into a start-to-finish product.  I highly recommend doing this on the computer, but on your aching, cramped fingers be it if you want to play the traditionalist.

"Traditionalists"

This is the draft.  It may all flow out from the first word to the last in unbroken prose, or you may go over each chunk of it a few times before moving on to the next.  Everyone works at their own pace.  Just remember that it is a draft, and don’t get too bogged down in perfecting it.  There’s plenty more carnage to come for the poor, innocent words!

Step 5:  The Revision

Set the draft aside.  Let it stew for a few days.  Go back and edit it, either by making changes as you read or with little editing marks — your choice.  (A lot of people find that the latter makes for a better overall picture, since they’re not stopping their reading all the time to make lengthy alterations).  Try to limit yourself to a single time through.  Make every change you think you need once.  Then move on, or else you’ll be on this step forever.

Step 6:  Public Humiliation

I’m sorry, that should read “editing by other readers.”  But at this point you’ve had your opportunity to weed out the weak.  Send the words off to your editing friends (possibly in filthy, overcrowded boxcars) and see what they want to cull from the herd.  Take their suggestions with a grain of salt — it is your work, after all — but at the very least put some serious thought into changing anything that more than one person flagged in some way.

Step 7:  Repeat as Needed

Fix what you think you should from the other readers’ edits, then send it back to them.  See if they’re happy with the new work.  See if you’re happy with the new work.  You’re not, because you’re a perfectionist, but try to restrain yourself to one or two more rounds.

Now you’re done.  Wasn’t that easy?  All you have to do is decide where you’re publishing, possibly find a good agent, send in submissions, deal with rejections, and maybe in a few years you’ll have a published work that still resembles that idea you had way back in Step 1.

Cheered?  Disheartened?  Got an idea for how it all works that vastly differs from mine?  Leave a comment!  We’re not shy here.

How to Blog Well (When You Don’t Have Time)

It’s been a busy week.

That’s a good thing, since it means getting paid (and don’t I just need it, after paying my taxes), but it makes the temptation to just skip the blog post for the day much, much stronger.

Fellow bloggers take heed:  if you have a regular schedule (like my M-W-F updates), you cannot give into that temptation.  Maybe — maybe — once a year or so.  Holidays, certainly, though it’s still good form to post “No Post Today — Merry Christmas Everyone” or the like.  But not on just plain ol’ busy days.  Readers are impatient and content is not unique; if they can’t rely on fitting your little corner of the internet into their schedule they will find similar entertainment elsewhere.

So have a backup plan for the days when life gets completely out of hand.  Mine is fuzzy ponies.

Awww.

Awwwwwwww!

AWWWWWWW!!!

There, see?  Wasn’t that better?

Writing Lessons of 2010 (or, “OK, OK, the Goddamn Year in Review Post”)

Hang in there.  Next week I am talking all about new things.  But let’s look very briefly at my last year in writing and pull a few handy lessons out.  I promise not to drop a single celebrity marriage/divorce reference, and to keep it under a thousand words.

I say that because writing for the internet was one of my big breakthroughs this year.  I’ve done a lot of it and been well rewarded for it, thanks to a couple of generous employers and some good old-fashioned luck of the draw.  Big Lesson Learned: the internet as an aggregate whole is kind of Downs syndromey, so learn to repeat key phrases loudly and often, and to live with the fact that three-quarters of what you say will never be understood.

Aside from that I got my usual practice in dealing with rejection, which hey, it’s a skill I can use when O Best Beloved finally snaps over the wadded-up towels on the bedroom floor.  My dedication to resubmitting stories slipped some, mostly in favor of projects with quicker turn-arounds and surer money, but I remain faithful to the basic Big Lesson Learned: Good work gets rejected, crap work gets published, and it’s because of forces entirely beyond your control.  No one accuses farmers or sailors of being crazy when they put their fates in the hands of ungovernable patterns year after year, so don’t let anyone say it about you either.

Because they live fantastic fucking lives.

I learned a thing or two about writing comedy that this blog may occasionally reflect.  Keep an eye out for new developments in that field this new year, since I only started aggressively pursuing publication (web-based) for humorous works in the last month or so of 2010.  Big Lesson Learned: A personal blog is a great dumping-ground for humor articles that get bounced.  Sorry guys.

Time management continues to elude me.  I’m a late-night, down-to-deadline writer and maybe always will be.  Big Lesson Learned: Keep the day job, because I’m actually less productive on days off — I can convince myself I have all the time in the world, and then suddenly O Best Beloved is home and wants supper and I haven’t done a lick of paid work.

Blogging — which long-time readers may remember me approaching with some ambivalence — remains a useful professional tool without my mining every social networking tool available for higher pageviews.  I’ll be writing more about this in the next week or so, so I’ll leave it at the Big Lesson Learned: Once you have a non-zero number of blog readers on a given day, your audience is no longer “every random person on the internet.”  It is those regular readers, so focus on providing enjoyable content on a consistent schedule, not on expanding your Twitter empire.

Ponies are still adorable, and I still couldn’t do any of this without O Best Beloved.

This went up way too late to say “See you in the New Year!” at the end.  Ah well.

Happy Birthday to the Blog

So typically speaking you don’t use your blog to bitch about things if you want to retain a regular readership, because who needs all that negativity in their lives?  No one has ever made a successful career out of whining about things they don’t like.

No one at all.

But assuming you aren’t talking politics, seriously, people don’t wanna hear your shit.  Be chipper!  Smile!  Post photos of topless men!  This is why, despite the subtle clues hidden in the title of my blog, I mostly go out of my way to say positive things about the human race and creative endeavor in particular (I make an exception for books everyone secretly hates anyway).  If you can’t say anything nice, either say nothing or sprinkle it with profanity and post it on the internet, I figure.

Anyway, today I’m disregarding my advice.  Regular readers will notice that I actually do that a fair amount — seriously, go back and read some of those old posts containing actual writing tips, then see how many I make regular use of.  Today I am bitching and moaning about birthdays.  God I hate ‘em!  Not because I’m getting old (I’m not even thirty, guys), and not because I hate celebrations in general (recent cracks at the expense of our nation’s most beloved holiday notwithstanding), just something about ‘em makes me feel like I’m not living up to expectations somehow.  Like I’m not as excited as I should be and everyone’s secretly pissed at me for it.

"Seriously, dude, we all worked really hard on this. Fuckin' smile."

But I bring this up because the blog is having a birthday, not me.  Mine is in June and I would like a pony; the blog’s is now and I don’t know what it would even do with a pony.  I guess you could leave an image of one in the comments page and we’ll find out (maybe I’ll even think of something sweet to do for the person that leaves my blog the nicest pony, like write them a poem about ponies or something).

The blog is actually one of those adopted children whose parents never tell them they don’t know the actual birth date and just made it up, because I blogged either two or three entries at the misspelled http://www.misanthroplogy101.wordpress.com in late November of 2009 before catching the error and restarting.  Which, yes, does mean that I misspelled a word I made up and then launched a major career-affecting project under the misspelled name.

There've been worse product rollouts, I guess.

So Happy Birthday to this blog, which is a year old as of Dec. 3ish.  I could have brought it up in my Friday post and been vaguely on time, but that sort of felt like it would ruin the long-standing tradition of half-assery that got this blog to where it is now.  Which is hopefully on top of a pile of pony pictures.

Can you even post pictures in the comments on these things?  I guess we’ll find out.  See you all on Wednesday!

What to Post When You Don’t Have Time to Post

This post was neither inspired by real life nor dashed off in the ten minutes before I run to work.  Would I lie to you?  Almost certainly.  But here’s how it is — sometimes you just don’t have time to get a post up to your blog on schedule.  Whatever your schedule may be (mine’s Monday-Wednesday-Friday, for the newcomers) something eventually gets in the way.  The kid gets sick, the dishwasher overflows, you work three jobs already and need to devote your morning hours to stumbling around the kitchen mumbling “ah, ah” like the No-Face from Spirited Away — whatever.  Something’s still gotta happen, right?  Can’t disappoint the loyal readers, or you won’t have any.  So not to mince words, I recommend cheating in the following ways:

Use a Back-up Post. Obviously the best solution, right?  Have a small stockpile of “emergency posts” and grab one whenever you’re running late.  The biggest problem with this approach is that it requires you to write back-up posts when you have spare time and use them when you don’t, meaning that it’s very hard to sustain if you have more days that are short on spare time than long on it.  Wednesday’s post was a good example of one of my emergency posts — a little off-topic; a little more pared-down and less thought out than my usual fare.  It was also the last in the stack, hence this hastily-scribbled beast.

Borrow Shamelessly. Read anything funny on the web lately?  Link it, come up with a vague justification for why your audience cares about it, and call it a day.  This blog has a category called “Writing Links,” and it consists entirely of posts that follow the same formula.  Mind you, they were all pretty directly writing-related — cute kitty videos from YouTube may not win the hearts and minds of your audience (then again it might).  Use your best judgment.  But it’s a good way to generate content without doing more than five minutes of actual work.

Talk Up Fellow Bloggers. Nobody is ever going to be mad at you for telling other people to read their blog, right?  And they often reciprocate, making a two- or three-sentence post along the lines of “Busy day for me, but everyone should go check out This Awesome Person because his/her blog is almost as excellent as mine” a great way to get some incoming links for your own page.  I’m not going to name any names in this post, because I’ll probably need to link them some day when I’m short on time (also there’s an admittedly-neglected selection of links on the side of my page if you really want to know some of the blogs I’m following regularly).

Con Someone Into Guest-Blogging. I almost talked O Best Beloved into writing today’s post, but she does about as well in the early morning as I do.  She started a draft while I was in the shower, and by the time I got out the content read:

Here comes O.B.B. on her pony,

pony pony pony pony,

pony pony pony pony,

pony pony pony.

There are actual words to that song, but she just likes the part about ponies (despite what this and the post about my teddy bear may suggest, O Best Beloved and I are honest-to-god adults).  The point here is that you can sometimes get a friend, whether they’re from your personal life or your circle of writing-and-blogging friends, to write a quick emergency post for you.  Just remember that they’re doing you a favor, and be sure to tell them it was wonderful even if they wrote a song about ponies.  Especially if they wrote a song about ponies!

Apologize Profusely. This is sort of a last-ditch solution, but if it’s all you have time and brain-power for it’s still better than nothing.  Swallow your pride, write a few short sentences about not having time to post today, and go do what needs to be done.  Go heavy on “sorry about missing today’s post” and light on the details of why (unless they’re hilarious), otherwise it sounds like you’re making excuses and/or whining.

And, last but not least, I highly recommend getting inspired in the shower and writing a quick, helpful set of suggestions on how to deal with your exact situation!  Because realistically it’s something that other writers and other bloggers are dealing with, and there’s nothing wrong with pandering.

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