Archive for the ‘ Personal Life ’ Category

On the Experience of Being Ogled

060512clinchgearapparelday1mp0412_1I’m pretty sure my butt got ogled yesterday.

I try not to egotistically interpret stray glances, but when a group of joggers says something about “his butt” and bursts into giggles a few yards behind you, then jogs by with many and significant backward glances, it’s probably the real deal (or you have a hole in your pants; I checked to make sure I didn’t.)

Talk about a situation where the “on the other hands” can spiral, Tevye-like, rapidly out of control.

On the one hand, this is nothing new. I’m 6’8″ tall — it’s a rare day when a total stranger doesn’t comment on my appearance. And frankly, I’d rather they were talking about my butt (which is legitimately awesome) than about my height (which, while also awesome, is more likely to draw comment for its freak-show abnormality than for pure aesthetic value).

On the other hand, it’s maybe a little hypocritical of me to resent the umpteen-thousandth “hey, how tall are you?” but revel smugly in a single instance of butt-gazing. If I’m going to let the one slide, I should probably let the other go too.

On the other hand, my feelings are pretty much the deciding factor in, y’know, how I feel about things. QED and all that. If I’m cool with butt-gazing, I’m cool with butt-gazing.

On the other other hand, the ladies in question had no way of knowing that I’d be okay with it. I could easily have had some sort of butt-related trauma that made that kind of attention negative. Potentially, I could even have felt physically threatened by the butt-lusting trio, though it’s less likely with someone my size. But you never know, right? Tall guys can be anxious too (I’m not, particularly, but I could be).

On yet another hand, the ideal solution to that isn’t for everyone to refrain from any public comment on one another’s appearance, so much as it is to make life safe enough that people don’t feel threatened by verbal comments. But (departing from our other hands here) we’re a long, long way from that world, and in the meantime discretion is maybe safer.

And on whatever hand we’re on now, there are lots of people with, for example, less attractive butts than mine who don’t benefit from a culture where attractiveness is openly and loudly appraised in public. So even if I’m personally not affected, I probably shouldn’t encourage it.

On a final hand, it’s not like there was much I could do about it. My butt had been ogled, fun had been had, and the ladies had made it quite apparent what they thought of my hindquarters. Short of yelling after them, which seems the greater breach of etiquette, it was a fairly academic point to consider.

So I gave up, had a beer, and enjoyed having a handsome posterior that ladies like to look at. What would you have done?

Sometimes I overthink things.

 

I Am Risen (Risen Indeed)

he-is-not-here-he-is-risenjpgWelcome back, Misanthropologists. Did you have a good Easter?

I did; I mostly slept.

But I am risen (risen indeed), after a sleep which, if not quite three days, certainly took a good stab at one.

That’s almost certainly a good thing, given a conversation I had with one of my girlfriends last week:

‘Geoffrey?’

‘Mgggnnhg.’

‘It’s 6:00.’

‘Gnnn!’

‘What time is your dance class?’

‘…seven.’

‘When do you want me to wake you?’

‘Never!’

So it’s possible that I needed the catch-up sleep, what with deadlines and social obligations and all (it’s also possible that I’m always a jerk, no matter how much sleep I’ve had lately).

If you seek Geoffrey of Madison, he is not in his bed. He is not there, but has risen.

Ha! Just kidding I’m going back to bed as soon as this is up. Sleep is so good, y’all.

But hope you had a happy Easter!

Remember the Lurkers

official-lurker-hatOne of the oddest things about being a writer is realizing that people actually read your work.

It doesn’t come through all that much on a blog, even a very wide-reaching one (which this isn’t). Your comment thread, if you’re fool enough to read it, is doing well if it represents even 1% of your readers.

Most people don’t let on they’re reading.

But every now and again you see odd little ripple effects. When I posted something about the Duolingo language learning app a couple weeks ago, three or four new friend requests appeared over the next couple days (I’m beating all of them). At the recent St. Patrick’s Day party, several people mentioned things I’d written about.

And yes, I still get jokes about my career as a sex toy tester.

All of which is very promising should I actually attempt to, you know, sell you guys a product or something. Which I haven’t done, because most of my writing is paid for up front by editors or publishers who have their own platforms, and therefore don’t need (or even want) me selling it under my own name.

But in theory y’all would buy my books or whatever…right?

A Couple of St. Patrick’s Day Miracles

Saint-Patrick-stained-glassSt. Patrick’s Day, like all the drinking holidays, is something of a High Holy Day here in Madison, so it should come as no surprise to anyone that my roommates and I threw a party.

What should come as a surprise is that no one woke up with a hangover.

Really! No one at all. Everyone in the house was chipper and cheerful, even, the morning after the party. And if “morning” started a bit late, well, “sleep” also started fairly late, so I don’t think we just slept through our hangovers.

No, the good saint was clearly watching over the household, blessing the consumers of far too much beer (myself), far too many sugary green things made from Irish creme and creme de menthe (my roommate), and far too much corned beef (everyone).

So that’s one miracle.

The other is odder, more personal, and something that I didn’t even recognize as unusual at first. It was after I’d closed the bedroom door and was sitting on my bed, pulling my socks off and chatting with my ladyfriend (and yes, I pulled other things off, but you don’t need to hear about that here) that I realized I could still hear the party going on outside.

And then it hit me — I couldn’t remember the last time I went to bed before the party was over.

I’ve certainly left parties before they were over (though I’m often part of the last group to leave), but I’d never gone to bed with guests of the non-overnight variety still present.

Advancing old age? The inarguable temptation of a lady who’s staying the night with you? Nothing more than the luxury of roommates who can keep holding down the hostly fort? I have no idea. But it was a profound personal revelation: oh, huh, I don’t actually have to do that. No one ever told me.

Praise the Good Saint, I suppose. We’ll see how well the lesson takes — Easter is coming up, and it’s always been a bit of a drinking holiday for me…

Letting Go of the Pet Peeves: Everyone’s Irritating to Someone

weather_up_thereI think I’ve mentioned before that I’m a very large person. Very large — as my default answer goes when strangers inevitably ask, “I’m 6’8″, I don’t play basketball, and the weather’s fine.”

That’s something I can’t change, and I’m grateful for the perspective it gives me (philosophically speaking, that is, though the higher vantage point is sometimes useful for finding things in a crowd as well).

One of my pet peeves — in the irrational, uncontrollable, tensing up, teeth-clenched, jolt of visceral irritation right up the spine way — has always been Audience Noise at concerts and theatrical performances. Candy wrappers, coughing, all that. It’s the audio equivalent of someone pulling out their phone screen in a dark movie theater. The actual light isn’t much by any physical measure, but it yanks you out of that mental tunnel that’s formed between you and the performance in front of you.

It’s hard to resist the irritation that inevitably provokes in me. And that just makes me feel shitty when it happens, especially when the noise comes (as it often does) from something beyond anyone’s control.

We had someone with an oxygen tank a few rows behind us the last time I went to the Lyric Opera, for example. Distracting? Hell, yes. It was a rhythmic hissing pulse in the background for the whole show. But also not something the owner could help. The subtext to getting angry about something like that is “people on oxygen shouldn’t get to be in the audience with quiet people like me,” and it doesn’t take too much self-awareness to recognize that that’s a pretty horrible thought.

 

silhouette-audienceSo, back to being tall (full circle here) — it’s a big help for quelling the Audience Noise irritation. Because the reality of my size is, I’m almost as obnoxious to have in the audience as someone with an oxygen tank. Whoever’s stuck behind me is in an “Obstructed View” seat no matter what they paid for, and there’s nothing any of us can do about it. I’m sure that’s just as frustrating for some people as the ambient noises are for me.

A sobering thing to think about when other people are making my teeth clench. And that’s good, because we’re all going to have selfish little moments of irritation at things beyond out control, no matter how hard we try to be good and understanding people, but they’re certainly not fun. Being angry sucks. The less I do it, the happier I am.

Fuck the gum-chewers and candy-wrapper-crinklers, though. I’m okay holding onto my anger at them. No one’s perfect…

Tuesdays Are My New Monday

monday-calendarThrough one quirk of fate or another, my week seems to have aligned itself around a Tuesday start.

Tuesday morning is when I get a phone call from one of my editors, usually with some new projects for the week.

Tuesday morning is also the start of one of my ladyfriend’s work weeks, which has more of an effect on my schedule than you might think — she lives down in Chicago, while I’m up in Madison, so some time Monday evening or Tuesday morning one or the other of us is usually figuring out some sort of bus thing that gets us to where we need to be.

Of course, we could just not see each other, but then how would I know where to start my work week? Also love, companionship, etc.

That’s mostly all worked out well for me, apart from the temptation to take my 9-to-5-type flatmates’ weekend (Sat/Sun) and my weekend (Sun/Mon) off. Nice work if you can(‘t) get it, but a freelancer needs to eat.

Anyone else’s professional life shifted away from the Mon-Fri routine? How’s it working out for you? Have you turned it into a filler post for your blog when you’re behind schedule on a Monday Tuesday first day of the week yet?

And if not, why not?

Motivation Everywhere!

Would you believe I actually took The Wall Street Journal‘s advice on something?

Just on a decent language-learning app. But still.

It’s called Duolingo, and so far it’s been fun. Without being particularly qualified to judge language instruction methods, I’ll say that the entirely experience-and-practice based approach — no lessons or rules spelled out for you, just endless examples of whatever you’re learning — seems slow but natural. If you’re good about “playing” every day you absorb a fair amount over time.

All of which is beside the point; the point is that my Spanish language learning app wants me to finish my novel:

iphone-spanish-please-write-your-book

You can’t beat that for motivation! When even your Spanish app (which I often pull out and practice when I should be writing) is telling you to get back to work, the universe clearly has a plan for you.

I’m trying not to read too much into it, though. Otherwise I might start taking its darker, more paranoid advice seriously too:

iphone-spanish-they-are-not-your-friends

Makes me wonder how Siri and the Duolingo owl are getting along back there in the depths of my iPhone.

When You Screw Up, You Should Apologize. So, Here Goes.

eating-crowLet it never be said that I won’t eat crow when it’s warranted.

We’ve had a great deal of fun over the years at MA101 making fun of other people’s public screw-ups, so it’s only fair that we apologize when we have one here. And here’s the flat truth of it: last week’s attempt at a “Romantic Story Contest” sucked.

No need to sugar the pill there. It was an under-prepared and poorly-executed experiment. The blog needed a deep stock of back-up stories to run if submissions were low (which they were), and I didn’t provide that. The advertising ahead of time to generate both interest and submissions was sporadic. And the stories we did run deserved a kinder and gentler editorial treatment than the fire-and-forget postings they got.

That’s a disappointment. And I’m okay with disappointing results when I experiment with MA101 on my own. We’ve had some flops before, from the “What Can You Build from Three Copies of Infinite Jest?” contest (which I thought was goddamn hilarious and hell with you all) all the way back to the misspelled rollout of the blog itself.

But I should always try very hard to avoid those disappointments and flops when it’s other people’s efforts on the line, and both the two writers who submitted stories to the Romantic Story Contest and the ebook author who generously volunteered custom work as a prize deserved a more active, more engaged publisher than they got in MA101.

So: my sincerest apologies to both Elaine and Javier, who submitted wonderful stories and who will most definitely be getting full marks and prizes from the editorial staff here. I will be in touch with both of you to find out whether you’d prefer some Wisconsin booze or some custom-written erotica, both of which you fully earned. I’m sorry we didn’t have a better line-up of competitors for you! Sometimes it is just the way of things, but it’s still a disappointment, and I apologize.

Space-Station-of-the-Sluts-coverMy apologies also to author A. Vivian Vane, who volunteered to provide the custom porn prize and whose new ebook roll-out (Space Station of the Sluts, available from Smashwords, Lulu, and Amazon Kindle Direct) deserved much more promotion than I was able to give it. One of the nice things about having a blog like this is the ability to give new and upcoming authors a bit of a publicity boost, and I failed to do a good job of that.

(That said, it’s a hilarious little read, so go buy the book, if you like that kind of thing.)

And my readers, of course, deserve an apology too, but at least you get the pleasure of seeing me do a blogging faceplant, which is some entertainment. Right? I’m sorry Romantic Story Week didn’t go better, and I’ll try to make the next few weeks entertaining in compensation.

So that’s how it is. The story week did not go as well as its Scary Story Week predecessor, and most of that was just my lack of attention and effort. There were other projects — good news in any other context, really, since it’s a lot of paid work and new connections that I’m very glad to have — but MA101 suffered as a result of them, and that’s regrettable.

I’ll keep an eye on things as my portfolio of writing jobs expands, and consider scaling MA101 back down to the three-times-weekly schedule it started with if needed, but I’m hoping to avoid that. For right now, apologies for last week and high hopes for this one — we’ll get right back on our (high) horse here at MA101, and hope that you continue to come back for all your daily pointing-and-laughing needs.

- Geoffrey

Seppuku

Boy Scouts’ Executive Council Bows to Mormon Pressure; Delays Vote on Gay Membership

A good compromise leaves everyone unhappy, and the Boy Scouts of America’s decision to punt on their most controversial issue — the current ban on homosexual leaders and members — seems set to do just that.

The organization’s statement Wednesday delayed action until the annual meeting of the National Council in May:

After careful consideration and extensive dialogue within the Scouting family, along with comments from those outside the organization, the volunteer officers of the Boy Scouts of America’s National Executive Board concluded that due to the complexity of this issue, the organization needs time for a more deliberate review of its membership policy. 

To that end, the National Executive Board directed its committees to further engage representatives of Scouting’s membership and listen to their perspectives and concerns. This will assist the officers’ work on a resolution on membership standards. The approximately 1,400 voting members of the National Council will take action on the resolution at the National Annual Meeting in May 2013. 

National_Executive_Board_BSA_patchFor those confused by the terms, the National Executive Board is not the same as the National Council. The Executive Board consists of about 70 members who act, as the name implies, as corporate executives. The National Council includes the National Executive Board and all its members, but also includes the heads of regional and local councils, as well as a number of national staff members, honorary members, and other odds and ends. Most decisions are made by the Executive Board, not the National Council, making the decision to put “membership policy” before the full Council an unusual one (although the statement does not say that the Council will necessarily be passing a binding vote — it says they will “take action,” which could turn out to be purely symbolic.)

In simplest terms, this is both a delay on a tough decision and a chance to spread the blame for the eventual result. And it comes in large part due to the action of Scouting’s most petulant minority-majority: the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

Meet the Two Councils Behind the Delay

A Reuters news story on the Wednesday decision included this interesting statement:

A coalition of 33 councils that represent about one-fifth of all youth members had asked the board to delay the vote.

For a sense of scale, there are just under 300 BSA councils nation-wide. There’s pretty much only one place in the nation where one-tenth of Scouting’s organization can claim to represent one-fifth its youth membership, and that’s Utah. We’ve talked on this blog before about the disproportionate influence of the Mormon church on Scouting, and the “33-council coalition” is a fascinating example of it.

Indeed, the “coalition” doesn’t seem to exist outside of the Great Salt Lake Council’s website and a press statement made by the District Director of the Utah National Parks Council. There is no public listing of the 33 councils, nor is there any statement signed by all of them. The only publicly-available document I could find at the time of this writing that suggests it speaks on behalf of a new coalition was posted on the Great Salt Lake Council’s website:

great-salt-lake-council-letter-coalition-33

This letter has been taken down since I snapped the screenshot of it. When I contacted the Great Salt Lake Council for comment, executive assistant for the council Lisa Boren said that the letter represented the council’s own views and did not speak for any 33-council “coalition.” She stated that she did not know the origin or author of the document, but that it was the Great Salt Lake Council’s official position on the issue. Ms. Boren also said that the Great Salt Lake Council did not have permission from the other councils to disclose who the members of the coalition were.

In reply to similar inquiries, District Director for the Utah National Parks Council John Gailey said that he did not have a list of the 33 councils or any document to which they were all signatories. He added, “The Great Salt Lake Council has already stated that they were one of the other councils. I don’t know who the others are.”

A Scout is Brave. Scouting Isn’t.

Let’s pause and make sure we’re all on the same page here: two councils (out of roughly 300) are on the public record as opposing an immediate decision on membership standards from the National Executive Board. Theoretically they have the support of 31 other councils who decline to be named, and who have not added themselves as signatories to any official letter or document.

And yesterday the National Executive Council folded and agreed that the issue “needs time for a more deliberate review.”

Bluntly, we’ve been “reviewing” the policy of banning homosexuals since 1991, when it was first formally codified (though the BSA had successfully defended in court its right to ban homosexual members at least once prior to 1991 as well). Those two decades have been largely characterized by shrinking membership, loss of major donors, and a constant stream of heartbreakingly bad press, with a healthy salting of covered-up sexual abuse scandals thrown in for good measure (which call into pretty serious question the organization’s qualifications to judge morality of any sort).

lds-bsa-centennial-patchThis is not an issue that needs more time. The only groups left dragging their heels are the LDS-dominated councils: a truculent minority that threatens to leave and take its ball home any time the National Executive Council lurches toward modernization. If any councils other than Great Salt Lakes and Utah National Parks feel a need for more time or more review on revised membership standards, they haven’t spoken up yet — or at least, they haven’t been willing to commit their names publicly, which amounts to the same thing.

It’s time to stop letting the Mormon minority set the course for all of scouting. Yes, those few councils hold a disproportionate chunk of Scouting’s on-paper membership (and, as a result, provide a disproportionate chunk of registrations and fees) — but that’s because Scouting is a “sanctioned” activity for male youth within the Mormon church, meaning many young boys are signed up by default, whether they’re active participants or not.

Ending Scouting’s discrimination policy might well make the Mormon troops and councils withdraw from Scouting altogether. It’s the implied threat behind letters like the Great Salt Lake Council’s. And yes, losing the majority of the Utah councils and the LDS troops throughout the country would be a short-term blow to membership. But it would be a long-term step toward organizational survival and relevance — and, more importantly, it would be the right thing to do.

The National Executive Council’s choice to pass the buck today humiliated Scouting, one in a long series of public humiliations. In May, they’ll get a chance to at least partway redeem themselves.

Will the BSA finally do it? I want to say “yes.” But I wanted to say that yes, it would happen today, too, and it didn’t.

A Scout is Brave. Someday, Scouting as an organization will be, too.

Make Your Inner Nerd Happy with Joe Hisaishi’s Studio Ghibli Concert

Remember anime? It’s okay if you don’t; you kind of had to be a kid in the 90s to hit that sweet spot where it was both becoming cool-among-nerds (not actually cool, of course) and easily accessible thanks to first-generation internet piracy.

Nowadays, of course, you can watch all of Cowboy Bebop on YouTube for free, and good luck finding me a high schooler who appreciates that bounty.

But the late 90s and early naughts (can we call them the “naughties?”) were a good time for anime, and leading the charge toward mainstream respectability were Hayao Miyazaki’s movies – Princess Mononoke, then Spirited Away and Howl’s Moving Castle on the big screen, and his older ones in high-quality re-release through Disney (after years of legal wrangling and hold-ups, which teenaged me watched with bated breath).

Among his many filmmaking quirks (and he had/has plenty), Mr. Miyazaki has used the same composer for all his films, ever since Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind. His professional name (don’t ask me why) is Joe Hisaishi, and here is a video of him conducting a “25 years of Studio Ghibli” concert in Japan:

For those that can’t watch embedded, the link is: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZVCdLi6FGVg&feature=share

Put it up in the background and enjoy the nostalgia, or watch the whole thing through on stage if you like — the part around 47:00 where they make all the adult soloists come out and sing the Ponyo theme using hand puppets might be my favorite, but the high school marching band is fairly excellent too. Japan, amirite?

Anyway. A little nostalgia for you all today, and if you never watched any of Mr. Miyazaki’s movies, give them a try. I highly recommend Porco Rosso or Spirited Away as good starting places. In the meantime, enjoy the music…

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