How often in your life do you get the opportunity to buy a strip club and a fifteen-foot fiberglass badger all in the same go?
Well, you’ve got a chance right now, according to Craigslist, where the Northern EXXXposure Gentleman’s Club is listed for only $275,000. And as someone who used to drive by this place (hem, hem) on my way to work at summer camp, let me just say how happy I am that, for their promotional photo, they went with an exterior shot of the building’s random fiberglass sculptures:
Yes, that’s a giant badger looming over a strip club. And a giant squirrel on a giant log in the parking lot. He’s about to dive into the hole, hur hur hur, get it? Or maybe he’s just got wood, whatever, who knows; strip club humor is not picky about these things.
The point is, for your $275,000 you not only get a “recently remodeled in & out” (hur hur hur!) strip club with “employees & good client base” already lined up, you also get…giant plastic mammals. (As opposed to giant plastic mammaries, which you can find inside.)
But wait, as they say in the biz, there’s more! It requires a little reading between the lines, but not that much, because this is the Northwoods and come on: the Craigslist ad also mentions “anything else one could possibly need (including friendly neighbors :) )” — smiley face included.
Which seems a little random and over the top until you take a look at the closest neighbors on Google Maps:
Ohhhhh. That kind of anything else one could need friendly neighbor, colon-close-parentheses. Say no more.
All in scenic Birnamwood, WI. That’s it, baby…come to Dunsinane! Come right now!
Anyone wanna Kickstart this beaut? I could finally fulfill my lifelong dream of owning a sleazy strip joint called Petey Mort’s. (Get it? Get it?)