I think we can all safely agree that puppies are awesome, especially big, fluffy, high-energy, winter-loving puppies.
So how awesome does a sport have to be for sled dogs to be the lamest possible animal option?
Skijoring awesome, that’s how awesome.
Skijoring is one of those things I probably never would have heard of if The Wall Street Journal didn’t have multiple sections a week dedicated to amazing things that you can never, ever afford to buy or do. (As far as I know it’s the only daily newspaper in America with a dedicated weekly “Mansion” section, just for example.)
Their travel section, as befits the world of the insanely wealthy, isn’t called “Travel,” but rather “Adventure & Travel.” Most weeks it delivers. And this week, it delivered ponies:
Well, all right, not actually ponies. That’s a draft horse. But I’m a city boy, so I get to call anything fuzzy and horse-like a pony if I want to. And according the The Wall Street Journal, for a mere $950 you can rent a cabin in Montana whose amenities include food, wine, and being pulled on skis behind a galloping horse.
This is apparently a legitimate winter sport, called skijoring. (It’s so legitimate it was once an Olympic demonstration sport, putting it in the same category of athletic respectability as korfball, cane fighting, and getting shot out of a cannon.)
Needless to say, as soon as I found this out I put down the WSJ and Googled “skijoring Wisconsin,” only to be disappointed: seems that in our state (and most states), skijoring is a slower-paced, cross-country type of skiing activity where you’re pulled by one or two sled dogs.
Adorable, needless to say. But not nearly as awesome as a galloping horse, especially not when you take into account that “equestrian skijoring,” as it’s called, often includes ramps, jumps, and obstacles.
And then there’s Peter Dorje, a Tibetan man who decided to one-up all previous iterations of skijoring with “yak skiing,” in which the skier starts at the bottom of a hill and a yak starts at the top, connected by a rope looped through a pulley at the top of the hill. The skier shakes a bucket of pony nuts, the yak decides he wants the pony nuts, and up the skier goes, as fast as two tons of hungry yak charging downhill can pull him/her.
So, skijoring: the only sport I can think of where adorable fuzzy puppies are the lamest possible option. Nothing against sled dogs; they just aren’t draft horses or yaks.
I’m going to start calling things “skijorling awesome” now.