Weird Etiquette You Never Think About Before the Breakup
Yesterday we finished moving out the lady known on the blog (and to me for a number of years before the blog) as “O Best Beloved.” (If updates seemed a little slow and odd last week it’s probably related to that; if you didn’t notice and thought it all seemed fine that would be very flattering and relieving to know, so do mention it in the comments.)
The whole thing went about as well as these things ever do, for which I’m grateful, but at the end of a long relationship like that you start to think about pretty weird points of etiquette regarding future interactions. In a brain already prone to rambling it’s easy to get caught in a weird thought-spiral:
- Wait, does this mean I have to wear pants when she comes over to move her stuff?
- Yeah, probably. Man.
- What about a shirt?
- Christ but it’s hot.
- I guess I don’t look all that good with my gut hanging out anyway.
- But wait, I don’t have to try and look good anymore.
- Nah, fuck it, shirt and pants. Okay.
- Which shirt? Nothing she ever used as pajamas. That just seems weird.
- Do I really have to get up at 8:00 on Monday to help her carry coffee and doughnuts to work?
- Woman, you just dumped me. Carry your own damn doughnuts.
- Oh. I can have some of the coffee? Okay then.
- Etc.
It’s a weird place to be. But that’s pretty much the report from people who’ve been here before, so I’m just going to take the weird thoughts as they come, and potentially blog about them because hey. Gotta get some mileage out of this somehow.
Other weird etiquette you started having to think of after your breakup? Do share. My brain can always use more weird thoughts to chase around in hamster-wheel circles.
“Does this mean no more spooning on the couch together when it’s clearly the optimal position for watching movies?”
“Okay, if not now, what about in a few months?”
I am really more of a ladle, but yeah.
Hugs. When you’re used to hugging, hanging on, touching-at-will, etc…hugging that person even with the perfectly normal hello/goodbye can become incredibly awkward for a while. Is it too long? Too short? Too close? Not close enough?
Though, I’m happy to report it gets better with most people.
Maybe we can all agree that ex-hugs need to follow the same “too long or too squeezy and this is awkward for both of us” rules as bro-hugs.
Sorry, I hope you have plenty of booze to drown your sorrows. Or better yet a good shoulder to cry on.
As for etiquette, when you have to go on a road trip with two exes who sits in the backseat?
Next time? Whoever is least likely to throttle the driver from behind.
Ha! If there ever is a next time, PLEASE let it be in a car with more legroom.
I really should read more carefully. I thought this OBB was your cat. Oooops.
That must have made for some interesting damn posts.